Review of Twilight/Confessions of an Ex Twi-Fan

3 Apr

Via deviantart.com, ~fishbizkit

Okay, first off I have to say that I used to like Twilight. It was 8th grade, I was young and the books have a strange magic about them. What I mean is, when you’re reading them, they pull you in. It seems that all romance novels do that, so you’re helpless to the next book, and the next book. I got really into the whole thing, not to an extreme but I was checking out tons of stuff; fan-art, fan-fiction, her new book from Edwards POV, etc. It’s only once the entire things done that you take a step back and go, what the heck did I just read? You start to actually realize how many flaws there are to the mesmerizing story and how weird the whole thing was. (ESPECIALLY the last book. Seriously, what was up with that.)

You realize that the reason it pulls you in is because it’s perfect; TOO perfect. The author used the book to live out her little fantasy, starting with describing Bella to look just like her. It seems that for some unknown reason, all the guys in school just fall in love with her. She’s adorably clumsy, and the ‘perfect’ mature girl. Yet she throws her life away for someone she barely knew, claiming she loved Edward before they had even had a full conversation. The book is like a fan-fiction; it makes you all happy but it’s not a well drawn out story at ALL. So now it’s time to seg-way into the review I wrote for Twilight a little while back; I don’t know what mood I was in then but be warned, it’s harsh. Also, I think I attack my former self a little when I talk about young girls. So don’t take offense to that, I was there at one point too. ^_^;

” ** spoiler alert ** Hm okay, how do I describe this book…Do you know that feeling when you finish a really good series, and you really want to read more so you settle for sucky fan fictions made by people who aren’t creative enough to write their own stories? This would be like those fan fictions.

The series is pushed along through each horribly slow moving book living only through teen emotions, which might be why the fan base is mainly young girls who can “empathize” with the emotions displayed.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a book about teen emotions; they can be really good at times. But I doubt that a completely ‘average’ described girl can walk into an isolated town and 3/5’s of the schools male population will throw themselves at her feet. Also it’s even harder to believe that it takes said girl 3 books, or around 1,500 pages, to decide between a sparkly (I say again: SPARKLY) vampire or a Native American werewolf.

Maybe the book would have been more realistic if it were written by a young author, instead of a 36 year old woman. Who, in fact, admits that she at first wrote this book for her own entertainment; not to publish it. Thats right, this book is literally just some story she wrote to feed her own romantic need, or perhaps make her feel all warm and breathless. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t know Stephanie Meyer. I’m not judging HER; I’m judging her stories 🙂 These are all guesses towards her.

The plot is a mess. Every single thing the characters want changes rapidly, with no reasoning. First Edward decides he can get past his ‘thirst’ to be with his love. Then he decides it’s too dangerous, and leaves. Then he changes his mind again and comes back, when he can’t live without her. This takes 2 books. I’m not kidding. Then after all that, she realizes she loves two people at once. She eventually picks Edward. One more book. Seriously. All three of these books have been hopelessly tied at the end with some vampire situation, which ends cleanly with all the characters alive and hunky-dory. Then Edward wants to leave her again because he wants to give her a chance at a normal life, and not turn her into a vampire, while she tries to convince him thats what she wants. So basically he tries to leave her yet AGAIN; as if the second book never happened. He later decides to change her; what a surprise.
And last but not least, the werewolf falls in love with their daughter, who is an infant, and will stay unchanging until she reaches his age. As if we needed more pedophiles in this story. Another vampire fight-oh wait, this one is about preparing for a vampire fight, who then change their minds and the fight never happens. Happily ever after! I swear on my life, I’m not making this up.

Teenage emotion makes good stories; when it’s realistic. Plain-jane girls who can get hoards of guys and then has trouble deciding which hot guy she wants, is not. Same goes for vampires who can’t make up their minds, or are obviously trying to get rid of a girl who can’t take a hint. This series is a perfect example of a mary-sue; when everything goes right, there’s no plot.

I would recommend this to people who are looking for a lot of time to waste, and aren’t interested in good plots or writing.”

So there you are! Reading it over again, I know that it’s all true. Just maybe a little mean, and it has kind of a rant feel to it. Oh well, thanks for reading! What do you think of twilight?

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2 Responses to “Review of Twilight/Confessions of an Ex Twi-Fan”

  1. Scarlet Kira April 3, 2011 at 5:21 PM #

    Thank you for posting this. I totally agree with what you said about Twilght. Like you, I like it in the beginning but once you calmly go through it, there is something seriously wrong with the books. You mention Edward wanting to leave constantly but did you notice in the first book, he comes off as a stalker cause he is watching her sleep? There is nothing romantic about being stalked.

    Then Jacob imprinting on the daughter, it is just creepy. It does not matter than he is not going to be with her until she is older, just the fact that he has laid a claim on her makes me cringe.

    • lightningflash2 April 3, 2011 at 7:18 PM #

      Exactly! She is glorifying creepy and unhealthy behavior as something romantic and sweet. And the entire fourth book was creepy, from the baby’s birth to infant imprinting. Shudder. I’m glad you liked the post, thanks for reading! 🙂

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