Tag Archives: procrastination

Inadequacy

15 Apr

My eyes scan across the page. My eyebrows furrow as I desperately attempt to remember anything pertaining to what the question is asking. The book thumps as I toss it aside, uncompleted as I’m already reaching for the laptop. My eyes are blinking back tears.

My thought process? I can’t finish the homework-heck, I can barely begin it. Answering another question would be having to mark another question wrong later. How can I finish something when all that’s left to do after is find out how horribly I did?

For those of you who read my posts regularly, you know that I’ve made quite a few posts about procrastination. It’s been quite a problem in my life. But hopefully it hasn’t come across as whiny; I am making an attempt to discover the root of my problems and how to fix them. I believe that a large part of procrastination comes from not wanting to deal with failure.

I grew up believing that I was intelligent; in fact, I believed that I was very intelligent. I didn’t have that many friends, I wore glasses, I had braces, and most of my friends didn’t score or test as well as I did. All of those combined made me feel like quite a nerd, and as part of the package I considered myself smart. But as I got older, the classes became harder. In high school, I found people who not only did as well as myself, but better. I happened to become best friends with people who others regard as literally the smartest people in our grade. I was no longer on top.

The second horrible mix to the equation-I’m a very prideful person. I may write more about this later, but I absolutely loathe showing weakness to anyone. I  always try to hide sadness or immaturity, and for some reason I can’t stand letting others know if I’m suffering. Maybe I feel that it makes me pathetic. Maybe I feel that I lose some dignity or self-worth, or that I become something to pity if I’m weak in any way.

So when I’m faced with challenges in school that I don’t think I can overcome, my pride takes over and I simply stop trying. Some part of my brain is saying, isn’t it easier to never try than to look someone in the eye and be forced to tell them that I’ve failed? That I couldn’t do it? That I wasn’t smart enough, or adequate enough, to do what others can?

When other students can finish a homework assignment in 30 minutes that takes me an hour to do, I feel like an idiot. I beat myself up over having to struggle longer and harder on what others can do with ease. For some reason, a part of me equates time and effort to intelligence. If I’m staring work in the face that I’m having trouble understanding, I avoid it rather than attempt it. If I actually try at something, it’s giving others the ability to see my weak spots and potentially judge me for them. It’s like a clear road map of right and wrongs answers for others, saying “hey, this is what you’re better than me at”.

Part of this problem has morphed from the way the education system has been structured, and part of it is simply from my own insecurity problems. But finding a flaw is the first step to fixing it. I know deep down that intelligence isn’t the most important thing in the world. But in our society, it’s insanely difficult to avoid stimuli that do nothing but reaffirm that myth. I also know that getting jealous of others or upset that others are better at something I used to pride myself on is ridiculously pompous and, well, douchy. So here’s to hoping that bit by bit, I’ll truly accept that my self-worth is not defined by a letter or a number, but that I’ll be darned if I keep stopping myself from learning.

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Tumblr (He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?)

29 Jan

Ah, the woes of tumblr. For some, a perfectly normal and probably versatile site. For others (teenage girls and boys), it can be a highly addicting place of riots and fangirling.

This may need some explanation. A couple months ago, I made myself an account on tumblr. When I first made it, I didn’t really know much about it. I thought it was a blog site, much like wordpress. Oh, how I was wrong.

It’s a pretty simple site, really. Kind of confusing at first, not very explorable. I didn’t really know how to use it at first, and the search bars were confusing; it’s organized by most recent, not most popular. But then once I got the hang of it, I started following people (like a youtube subscription; I didn’t literally follow people -_-) and found that there are awesome things that people make or find; nostalgic sets of pictures or perhaps some behind the scenes footage of favorite movies and shows. But when I realized that there was a gargantuan Glee fan base on the site is when I got really sucked in. Oh, and by the way, I’ve heard that there may be a “fight club” rule about tumblr so I hope this isn’t upsetting anyone. (Although there are numerous youtube videos so I should be fine)

Anyways, tumblr has a way of making something normal into something to obsess over…Like many on the site say, “I used to be a normal fan. Then I found tumblr.”

Many people “fan-girl” or cry over things like fanfiction or song previews…I’m not really that emotional over characters but there’s nothing wrong with people who are. There are “riots” when some exciting spoiler is released or a favorite celebrity says or does something exciting. Thousands of pictures are posted of celebrities such as Darren Criss and even the Harry Potter gang. It can be quite overwhelming at times because of how enthusiastic fans can be.

I don’t think I’ll even be able to describe how tumblr manages to pull people in; it just has a naturally addictive quality. Perhaps it’s the lay-out, and how you can just keep scrolling down and finding an endless list of things to look at. Maybe it’s just an overwhelming experience for certain fandoms that have actual communities that you can be a part of; Glee, Starkid, Sherlock Holmes, Doctor Who, etc. Either way, this is what has been consuming my time as of late and causing my procrastination that I have previously spoken of. I’ve even started reading fanfiction; some are surprisingly good but if I’m going to be using up such large amounts of time on reading, it really should be on books.

So I’m not really sure what I was going for when I began writing this…I suppose it serves as a little insight to a great website and as an explanation of how I’ve been wasting my time. Try giving tumblr a try; as long as you don’t let yourself get sucked in it’s a great place to entertain yourself. If you already have one, link me to it so I can check it out! Here’s mine: http://curryforyourthoughts.tumblr.com/ (wow, what a creative username!) 😉

^One of the videos about tumblr. Gpoy 😉

Procrastination…A Never Changing Habit

31 Oct

I looked at this and giggled 🙂 Via onlinelearningtips.com.

Dear Me,

This is yourself from the past. I’m here to tell you that you can’t procrastinate on homework all weekend long until Sunday. That just isn’t going to cut it anymore. Believe you me, I know how hard it is to not just plop down and laze through Fridays; you just had a stressful week and need to mindlessly plow through the internet, right? Well that does get mind-numbing and boring after a while, so here’s a compromise: every Friday you can do whatever you want until 6 o’ clock, and then you have to start on some of your homework that is due Monday. And for regular school nights, do some homework before even going on the computer because once you start, you know that you have too little self-control to stop. Please do this for me, okay? Make this year as non-stressful as possible.

Kthnxbai, Me.

 

About 7 months ago, I created a post about procrastination and how it deeply afflicted me…fast forward to now, and it is apparent that not only is it still here, but it’s even worse than before. It is currently ten o’ clock on a school night and I have yet to do my physics and English homework. This used to never be this big of a problem; but as of late, it has gotten worse.

The fact that I recently got a tumblr and twitter is definitely one of the biggest issues; it’s as if it’s suddenly my life goal to stalk and fan-girl over celebrities. Not the best time to be in the most important year of high school, I must say.

TAKE MY MUG!

In my first post, I wrote this: “I’m currently taking a few difficult classes and I am not looking forward to next year when I take 4 AP’s which include an incredibly hard calculus class.” Let me just say, last year was a joke compared to this year. I wasn’t looking forward to this year and I’m not too happy to be in it right now. Some advice for younger readers: Every single year of school you go through is a walk in the park compared to the next year. And you’ll think this every single year. My classes aren’t necessarily too bad, but because of the earlier mentioned distractions, my brain hasn’t adjusted to the work load. I guess I just have to suck it up and do the work; I was doing just fine for the first month of school.

“Which brings me to my next topic; procrastination. I’m a horrible sufferer of procrastination, and I can never seem to stop. I guess I’m just very lazy and have a hard time pushing myself until I get to a desperate ‘deadline’ point. It hasn’t gotten to where I’m struggling to finish things the day of, in school.” Things haven’t changed much, and I’m starting to feel guilt and even anxiety about this. I still don’t stay up past 11:30, which many say is an accomplishment for a high schooler, but I’d rather go back to a life where 10:30 is staying up late.

I guess the main reason I’m writing this post is for me to examine my bad habits, acknowledge them, and work towards a better life style. So here’s a more specific compromise to go with the one I created above: tomorrow, Glee (the show I love) comes back from its month long hiatus. You must finish ALL of your homework before watching it. Alright? Good girl.

 

By the way, for any long time followers (if I have more than one, yay!) I have a presentation coming up in 3 days. Nothing big; small class that I’m very comfortable in, only one paragraph to read; but that still doesn’t stop my instinctual body reaction to any public speaking; my heart pounds and my breathing goes haywire. Earlier this year I had to read a paragraph out loud and almost died; yikes. Maybe I should consider a public speaking class? My school has a debate team that I could check out.

Anyways, thanks for reading! And now go back to doing your homework, you procrastinators! 😉

Stress/Procrastination

27 Mar

Picture from Google ImagesThis is a feeling everyone can relate to. When life just builds up, and there are so many different pressures on you that you feel close to a breaking point. And right now, my stress is school.

Further away, I mean the immense pressure put on all children to get into a good college in order to get a good job. This leads to overbearingly difficult classes, extracurriculars, and tons of studying. I’m currently taking a few difficult classes and I am not looking forward to next year when I take 4 AP’s which include an incredibly hard calculus class. And right now, life isn’t too great either. As I write this, I’m putting off studying for two huge tests tomorrow, writing a paper, and doing a long/tedious history ‘essay’ type assignment. And guess what? It’s all for tomorrow. I guess letting this all out on my blog is a way for me to clear my mind.

Which brings me to my next topic; procrastination. I’m a horrible sufferer of procrastination, and I can never seem to stop. I guess I’m just very lazy and have a hard time pushing myself until I get to a desperate ‘deadline’ point. It hasn’t gotten to where I’m struggling to finish things the day of, in school. There are many people at my school who do that and it doesn’t look fun. Also, I never really stay up past 11 and in most extreme cases, 11:30. So looking at the facts, I guess I’m not too bad with doing my work but it still feels like procrastination strikes me hard. I’m going to try to work on that, and hopefully once I publish this I can get back to work.

Does procrastination afflict any of you? Are any of you in high school and really feeling the pressure, like I am? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

**UPDATE** I think it’s been about an hour, and I’m still procrastinating. Sigh. >_< I think the time switch from a while back made it worse. I see how bright it is outside and think ‘Oh I have plenty of time! It’s still light outside!’ Then BAM, it’s 9 o’ clock and I’m screwed.