Tag Archives: homework

Inadequacy

15 Apr

My eyes scan across the page. My eyebrows furrow as I desperately attempt to remember anything pertaining to what the question is asking. The book thumps as I toss it aside, uncompleted as I’m already reaching for the laptop. My eyes are blinking back tears.

My thought process? I can’t finish the homework-heck, I can barely begin it. Answering another question would be having to mark another question wrong later. How can I finish something when all that’s left to do after is find out how horribly I did?

For those of you who read my posts regularly, you know that I’ve made quite a few posts about procrastination. It’s been quite a problem in my life. But hopefully it hasn’t come across as whiny; I am making an attempt to discover the root of my problems and how to fix them. I believe that a large part of procrastination comes from not wanting to deal with failure.

I grew up believing that I was intelligent; in fact, I believed that I was very intelligent. I didn’t have that many friends, I wore glasses, I had braces, and most of my friends didn’t score or test as well as I did. All of those combined made me feel like quite a nerd, and as part of the package I considered myself smart. But as I got older, the classes became harder. In high school, I found people who not only did as well as myself, but better. I happened to become best friends with people who others regard as literally the smartest people in our grade. I was no longer on top.

The second horrible mix to the equation-I’m a very prideful person. I may write more about this later, but I absolutely loathe showing weakness to anyone. I  always try to hide sadness or immaturity, and for some reason I can’t stand letting others know if I’m suffering. Maybe I feel that it makes me pathetic. Maybe I feel that I lose some dignity or self-worth, or that I become something to pity if I’m weak in any way.

So when I’m faced with challenges in school that I don’t think I can overcome, my pride takes over and I simply stop trying. Some part of my brain is saying, isn’t it easier to never try than to look someone in the eye and be forced to tell them that I’ve failed? That I couldn’t do it? That I wasn’t smart enough, or adequate enough, to do what others can?

When other students can finish a homework assignment in 30 minutes that takes me an hour to do, I feel like an idiot. I beat myself up over having to struggle longer and harder on what others can do with ease. For some reason, a part of me equates time and effort to intelligence. If I’m staring work in the face that I’m having trouble understanding, I avoid it rather than attempt it. If I actually try at something, it’s giving others the ability to see my weak spots and potentially judge me for them. It’s like a clear road map of right and wrongs answers for others, saying “hey, this is what you’re better than me at”.

Part of this problem has morphed from the way the education system has been structured, and part of it is simply from my own insecurity problems. But finding a flaw is the first step to fixing it. I know deep down that intelligence isn’t the most important thing in the world. But in our society, it’s insanely difficult to avoid stimuli that do nothing but reaffirm that myth. I also know that getting jealous of others or upset that others are better at something I used to pride myself on is ridiculously pompous and, well, douchy. So here’s to hoping that bit by bit, I’ll truly accept that my self-worth is not defined by a letter or a number, but that I’ll be darned if I keep stopping myself from learning.

Procrastination…A Never Changing Habit

31 Oct

I looked at this and giggled 🙂 Via onlinelearningtips.com.

Dear Me,

This is yourself from the past. I’m here to tell you that you can’t procrastinate on homework all weekend long until Sunday. That just isn’t going to cut it anymore. Believe you me, I know how hard it is to not just plop down and laze through Fridays; you just had a stressful week and need to mindlessly plow through the internet, right? Well that does get mind-numbing and boring after a while, so here’s a compromise: every Friday you can do whatever you want until 6 o’ clock, and then you have to start on some of your homework that is due Monday. And for regular school nights, do some homework before even going on the computer because once you start, you know that you have too little self-control to stop. Please do this for me, okay? Make this year as non-stressful as possible.

Kthnxbai, Me.

 

About 7 months ago, I created a post about procrastination and how it deeply afflicted me…fast forward to now, and it is apparent that not only is it still here, but it’s even worse than before. It is currently ten o’ clock on a school night and I have yet to do my physics and English homework. This used to never be this big of a problem; but as of late, it has gotten worse.

The fact that I recently got a tumblr and twitter is definitely one of the biggest issues; it’s as if it’s suddenly my life goal to stalk and fan-girl over celebrities. Not the best time to be in the most important year of high school, I must say.

TAKE MY MUG!

In my first post, I wrote this: “I’m currently taking a few difficult classes and I am not looking forward to next year when I take 4 AP’s which include an incredibly hard calculus class.” Let me just say, last year was a joke compared to this year. I wasn’t looking forward to this year and I’m not too happy to be in it right now. Some advice for younger readers: Every single year of school you go through is a walk in the park compared to the next year. And you’ll think this every single year. My classes aren’t necessarily too bad, but because of the earlier mentioned distractions, my brain hasn’t adjusted to the work load. I guess I just have to suck it up and do the work; I was doing just fine for the first month of school.

“Which brings me to my next topic; procrastination. I’m a horrible sufferer of procrastination, and I can never seem to stop. I guess I’m just very lazy and have a hard time pushing myself until I get to a desperate ‘deadline’ point. It hasn’t gotten to where I’m struggling to finish things the day of, in school.” Things haven’t changed much, and I’m starting to feel guilt and even anxiety about this. I still don’t stay up past 11:30, which many say is an accomplishment for a high schooler, but I’d rather go back to a life where 10:30 is staying up late.

I guess the main reason I’m writing this post is for me to examine my bad habits, acknowledge them, and work towards a better life style. So here’s a more specific compromise to go with the one I created above: tomorrow, Glee (the show I love) comes back from its month long hiatus. You must finish ALL of your homework before watching it. Alright? Good girl.

 

By the way, for any long time followers (if I have more than one, yay!) I have a presentation coming up in 3 days. Nothing big; small class that I’m very comfortable in, only one paragraph to read; but that still doesn’t stop my instinctual body reaction to any public speaking; my heart pounds and my breathing goes haywire. Earlier this year I had to read a paragraph out loud and almost died; yikes. Maybe I should consider a public speaking class? My school has a debate team that I could check out.

Anyways, thanks for reading! And now go back to doing your homework, you procrastinators! 😉

Summer Has Begun!

17 Jun

School’s finally out and now it’s summertime! Honestly, every year I end up spending more time on the computer or watching t.v. than doing something worthwhile. And come on, every year we all tell ourselves that ‘this year is going to be different! This year I will have the best summer ever!’ only to end up doing the same thing as before. Well, this is me saying that I will not let this summer die away as the computer screen burns itself into my retinas; or I am at least crossing my fingers before making a realistic goal, like how I will try to see friends more and get out of the house more often.

Here is a list of things I want to do this summer, although truthfully it’s more for me than for you to read. This is my way of motivating myself and keeping track of what I want to do, but if it ends up helping you too, than that’s great! ^_^

~Write

~Blog

~Read

~See friends more

~Call other people more often instead of waiting for something to magically happen

~Plan a vacation for my family; don’t let them cancel it

~Go to the pool, even if its by myself

~Eat better and exercise more. Maybe find a dance class

~Search employment options; tutoring, babysitting, pet watching

~Ride bike (random story time: someone stole my bike last year because I left it in my driveway T_T. Now I have to ride my brothers. Sigh.)

~Practice driving

~Become more social, responsible, focused, and outgoing (is that too unrealistic to set as a goal? I’ll try, anyways)

~Do summer homework, don’t wait till last minute. Sigh.

~If I think of anything, I’ll add it here

(By the way this isn’t in order based on importance, because honestly blogging wouldn’t be that high up if it was ^_^; no offense!)

Okay, bye guys! Hopefully; no, definitely, I’ll see more of you each week. I will stop myself from procrastinating or not doing something because at this point, I should be sick and tired of watching my life pass me by. I can become a better person, and this summer is the opportunity I’m going to take to become one!

Wow, I sound like a motivational speaker. Really, I’m just gonna do my best to have fun; isn’t that what it’s all about?

**By the way, because of summer my facebook has been bombarded with everyone feeling the need to say it’s summer. You know no idea how close I was to typing “Really? It’s summer? I didn’t know, thank you everyone for making your statuses all say the same thing.”

Darlin’

21 Apr

“Today is a perfect day for a perfect day”

Lovely song, and I love how the video creator added the feel-good effect to it. Hopefully it’ll act as inspiration for me to start my homework that I’ve been putting off since the start of my spring break last Saturday. Fun days: 2. Completely wasted days: 3

Must. do. homework! Word History AP Test is exactly 3 weeks away! I’m doomed.

Funny how there are only like 6 sentences in this post, yet the tone has such a drastic change by the end. This is how my mind works.

No Views?

11 Apr

From wiki-how.com. By waterlily716 on youtube, go watch her amazing videos! Image is link to her channel

So after blogging for a couple weeks, I got more and more views each week and day. The highest was 60 in one day; but then I stopped for only a few days and now I have about 5 views daily. I see that blogging needs constant upkeep, so tomorrow I will be delivering another post to everyone! It will be about curly hair, and the curly girl method. So stay tuned, and maybe you should subscribe so you won’t forget to read it 😉

But as for now, I have a ton of homework which I didn’t do until now. Sigh. So much homework….yet so little views! GAH

Stress/Procrastination

27 Mar

Picture from Google ImagesThis is a feeling everyone can relate to. When life just builds up, and there are so many different pressures on you that you feel close to a breaking point. And right now, my stress is school.

Further away, I mean the immense pressure put on all children to get into a good college in order to get a good job. This leads to overbearingly difficult classes, extracurriculars, and tons of studying. I’m currently taking a few difficult classes and I am not looking forward to next year when I take 4 AP’s which include an incredibly hard calculus class. And right now, life isn’t too great either. As I write this, I’m putting off studying for two huge tests tomorrow, writing a paper, and doing a long/tedious history ‘essay’ type assignment. And guess what? It’s all for tomorrow. I guess letting this all out on my blog is a way for me to clear my mind.

Which brings me to my next topic; procrastination. I’m a horrible sufferer of procrastination, and I can never seem to stop. I guess I’m just very lazy and have a hard time pushing myself until I get to a desperate ‘deadline’ point. It hasn’t gotten to where I’m struggling to finish things the day of, in school. There are many people at my school who do that and it doesn’t look fun. Also, I never really stay up past 11 and in most extreme cases, 11:30. So looking at the facts, I guess I’m not too bad with doing my work but it still feels like procrastination strikes me hard. I’m going to try to work on that, and hopefully once I publish this I can get back to work.

Does procrastination afflict any of you? Are any of you in high school and really feeling the pressure, like I am? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

**UPDATE** I think it’s been about an hour, and I’m still procrastinating. Sigh. >_< I think the time switch from a while back made it worse. I see how bright it is outside and think ‘Oh I have plenty of time! It’s still light outside!’ Then BAM, it’s 9 o’ clock and I’m screwed.